Panic

I have extreme anxiety, including social anxiety. I second guess and ruminate over nearly every interaction I ever have with another human being. Every social mistake I make triggers self-loathing thoughts. I struggle with this every day, and I have for well over half my almost-26-years of life.

This one is a self portrait. The last time I drew myself I looked a lot different, I shaved my head a few months after Birdie was born. I’m autistic and I desperately needed one less sensory input. This isn’t the first time I’ve done a buzz cut, and it likely won’t be the last, but it’s the first time in a few years. I’m not fussed about it, I can grow it back whenever I want, I’ve done it before!

I’m not good at drawing people, but I don’t have to be. I think this piece effectively communicates what I was trying to convey, and art is all about communication.

I believe that venting is one of the most important uses for art. When words alone fail us, the visual arts can come in to pick up the slack.

That’s all for now, but I have a more positive post with the same color scheme underway! See you next time.

Oh wait- While I’m here I might as well share this!

I made this video for my mom just to show her how I made use of all the space in my new art desk, since she was quite excited about that. I’m quite shy and not very good at these types of things, so this is an unlisted video, but it does fit the theme of this blog so why not put it up here anyway.

My apologies for it being 20 minutes long! I highly recommend using the speed controls to shorten it and get through my blabbering a little easier if you do decide to watch it. I am a very impatient person myself so I do this all the time, I’m not the slightest bit ashamed to admit. Somehow speeding up videos actually makes the information EASIER to process for my brain, which might sound strange but that’s just how it is for me!

I guess it doubles as a studio tour, since my “studio” is literally just a corner of the bedroom.